Friends,

In the past few weeks a few very close friends have faced down awful adversity.  As a friend and I ran up hills and through humidity yesterday, we dedicated our last mile to one such friend who lost her husband last week.  We said, "Let's put one foot after the next, even when we feel like quitting, in dedication to Joan, who must just want to give up sometimes; let's make our little sacrifice in solidarity with her great life challenge."

One of life's most inscrutable paradoxes is that adversity, loss and dislocation cause sheer agony,, yet the same terrible adversity offers promise for immeasurable growth in the deepest levels of emotional intelligence.  For in such times we stand to make quantum leaps in at least two of the five competencies: heightened self awareness, and wholly new depths of empathy.  Chances are some of your most important lessons in the school of emotional intelligence were learned in the classroom of adversity.  And, as you lead, you have splendid opportunities to help others excel in that same school.  Adversity may come from the "Professional" side, or the "personal" side, but the distinction means little, for professional adversity affects people personally, and personal adversity affects people's professional efforts.  If we can get better at creating environments where our people can grow in emotional intelligence -- generally, and especially through the critical hours of adversity -- our families, teams, and organizations will prosper personally professionally.
 
So, how, or where, does such great emotional learning tend to occur?  How might you create a context for your own deeper emotional intelligence and greater emotional competence?  And, how might you help create a context in your organization for people to develop in emotional intelligence and competence?

I was struck by the power of the following "brainstormed" list, from a group of Emotional Intelligence (EI) practitioners, planning an EI conference.  The list came after they were asked to recall "an experience where you learned an important lesson about your own EQ [emotional quotient, like IQ], or increased your EQ meaningfully."  They were then asked this question:

"What was present to make it happen?"

Here were their answers.  Consider how these answers might help people fighting through adversity, loss and dislocation of whatever source.  To what degree are these conditions present in your life and the life of your organization?  How might you make them more so?

"-  Trust
 -  people in process with me
 -  opportunity to reflect & question
 -  someone did not just ignore
 -  honesty
 -  anger no longer present
 -  clarity about real purpose & real feelings
 -  space to just stop
 -  nondefensive
 -  mutual commitment ruthless honesty
 -  relationships over time, shared experience
 -  freedom to be confused
 -  basic foundation of caring
 -  persistent consistent autonomous moments to reflect
 -  raising of difficult issues, opportunity to talk
 -  welcoming, flowers, attention to detail
 -  really listening to me & my irritation
 -  reflective silence
 -  activity based
 -  multisensory...
 -  integration body & mind
 -  permission to make mistakes
 -  forgiveness
 -  context of shared knowledge, shared purpose
 -  modeling of risk taking
 -  present as a learner
 -  setting of being together; a space set aside
 -  asking the right question is critical -- welcoming questions"

Clearly such conditions foster breakthroughs in emotional learning.  How might you go about creating such conditions for the growth of emotional intelligence about you?

Have a learning week.

Dan

*Brainstorming list comes from Josh Freedman at the site www.nexuseq.com/plan/nexus.nyc.tran.html.  You can also see more EQ information at the fascinating site, with which Mr.. Freedman is affiliated -- understanding the name is worth the visit! -- www.6seconds.org.

If you have received this forwarded from a friend or coworker, and would prefer to receive it directly, you may sign up for your own copy by sending a note to TheFirstGentleman@Michigan.gov.  RFL is distributed without charge.  To unsubscribe, write unsubscribe in the subject line and send to the same address.

Daniel Granholm Mulhern
First Gentleman
Office of the Governor
State of Michigan
(517) 241-0534

"Seeing the magnificence in all people -- dedicated to their fullest success."

Copyright 2004 Daniel Mulhern.  I distribute RFL without charge to friends, clients, and others with an interest in leadership, and grant permission to these recipients to distribute copies of these works to personal contacts for non-commercial purposes only.  All other rights are reserved, and requests for copying and distribution of these works may be made to TheFirstGentleman@Michigan.gov.  The views of this and other RFLs reflect my personal beliefs and may or may not reflect the views of my wife, Jennifer Granholm, or any other officials of the State government.